hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
