Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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