The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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