Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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