Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
