theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
someone owes me an orgasm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
