i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina is officially offended.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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