I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
