I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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