The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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