what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
