I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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