Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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