so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
