whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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