Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
