I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
