i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
