sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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