I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
