just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
