I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
