i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
