mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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