I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
