Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
