She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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