he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
