yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
