it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
