I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and she was petting her beer can
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
