I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
