What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
