he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
