Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
