hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
