So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
