Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
