WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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