we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
