I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
