how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
