Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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