On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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