The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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