Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
