matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
