What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
