My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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