fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
