Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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