It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
