a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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