dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So much Jack, so little girl.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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